Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
