have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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