In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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