Non-Jews are for practice
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
