I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
