and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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