my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
