i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
