just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
