i jhust puked up my retainher.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
