don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
