So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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