You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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