ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Terrible idea I love it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
