Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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