I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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