Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
