I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
