I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
