While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
