So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
