apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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