We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
