just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
