that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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