Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
