i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
