if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
