Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
