Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
