i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
