Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
