Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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