he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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