this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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