he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Terrible idea I love it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
