Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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