sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
