well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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