did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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