omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
