I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hippo gnu deer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
