Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
