My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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