What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
