Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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