can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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