So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
