oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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