so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
time to smoke my breakfast
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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