5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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